Iman has tagged me a week ago and I’ve been unable to answer her questions because “I wasn’t in the mood”. But I’ve read Ola’s answers and Hamzeh’s too. They said that their biggest challenge is their selves. It’s quite interesting when you think about it, I think self is everyone’s biggest challenge.
Self dictates almost everything on us, or at least this is true about me. I have to be in the mood to do things for example, unless it’s something urgent or crucial. I’m not in the mood to blog, not in the mood to visit somoeone, not in the mood to be nice to someone, not in the mood to call, not in the mood to email, not in the mood to reply to somebody’s sms, not in the mood to answer my phone and the list is never ending. It happens to everyone, only it takes me days to “be in the mood” sometimes, and I should say here that things and people don’t have to wait for me, and they never do.
I’ve been told that my moodiness is kind of scary, today I sound like I’m high on something and tomorrow if not tonight I don’t wish to see or talk to anyone at all, I cut people off and whoever was unlucky enough to have me talking to them will listen to incoherent, meaningless ramblings which can never be related to anything or understood in any way. No explanation or reason for my crazy talks except that I feel like it. Surely, I’m perfectly happy with my self indulgence and deliberate lack of control over my emotions, including that feeling of not wanting to do something that doesn’t comply with my standards. I believe in living life supreme, to the full, taking things to the extreme as long as it’s safe. “To suck on the marrow of life” to live deep. BUT, I’m not happy at all when I end up hurting someone I care about in the way. I let go of my incoherent, scattered thoughts which are often not so pleasant and someone gets hurt badly. I end up hurt too, when that person becomes my party pooper. Spoils my sad, dark mood. It hurts, seriously. Or when I cut off people for no reason, just not in the mood, sorry. I know that’s called rudeness in some people’s dictionary of manners and social behavior but I can’t help it. Forgive me, love me unconditionally if there’s such a thing. And let me know if that ever worked for you.
Can I love people unconditionally? yea probably, I don’t know.
I’m not trying to say anything, I’m just blabbing.
It is quite interesting actually… me being my biggest challenge in this short journey we call life … to live up to my own expectations, my parents’ expectations, my friends’ expectations, society’s expectations all while not compromising my own …the way I handle and deal with whatever life throws my way whether it is good, bad, ugly, sad, joyous, deceitful, hurtful, and so on … Thinking of it this way, life in itself is not the challenge per se but how we live it, respond to it is the challenge!
LOL! Oh No, don’t say this out loud EVER again!! alright…i felt like taking this particular line out of context … hoping that you see the humor in it and smile
(come on, I AM funny…sometimes :D)
Hope you feel better soon!
I think our “selves” are our biggwst challenges because once you take hold of yourself, everything else will follow!
You sure know there is something called “jihad al nafs”…. It is the kind of Jihad that ends only when you die,… it doesn’t mean that you ahve to be perfect, but you know how hard it is to survive in this world trying to stick to the right and refrain from the wrong.
Well , maybe u sound scary , but for true friends and those who love u , you ll always find them there after u wake up from yr ” I not in the mood ” atack !
CheeerZ!
i wrote something about unconditional love… and wahts the meaning for it
http://wedadf.jeeran.com/archive/2006/8/88250.html
Wedad, thanks for the link