Comments on: What’s it like to be married? http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/ Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:05:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: john http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-967 john Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:49:09 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-967 i suspect having a relationship with anyone makes an illusion that you cannot live without that person. in fact one could probably live relatively successfully with any number of different partners. i.e. i don't believe goodness is a rarity, and i don't believe the one you happen to be with has a monopoly on goodness for you! marriage is an interesting thing. Shaden, you laugh at my marriage proposal and say you are happy to be single - i wonder why grateful to be single? (most curse singleness!) how great our futures could be together mon cher. i suspect having a relationship with anyone makes an illusion that you cannot live without that person. in fact one could probably live relatively successfully with any number of different partners.

i.e. i don’t believe goodness is a rarity, and i don’t believe the one you happen to be with has a monopoly on goodness for you!

marriage is an interesting thing.

Shaden, you laugh at my marriage proposal and say you are happy to be single - i wonder why grateful to be single? (most curse singleness!) how great our futures could be together mon cher.

]]> By: bo3bo3 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-966 bo3bo3 Fri, 22 Dec 2006 13:46:32 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-966 lool married is fun..ask me. There is so much pressure on newly wed couple to produce something that will keep the mothers in laws off yoiur back, and thats is by the birth of ur first child. signed: Hapy dog :) lool lool married is fun..ask me. There is so much pressure on newly wed couple to produce something that will keep the mothers in laws off yoiur back, and thats is by the birth of ur first child.

signed: Hapy dog :) lool

]]> By: Qwaider قويدر http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-965 Qwaider قويدر Fri, 22 Dec 2006 00:31:49 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-965 Looks like I struck a chord here. Nice, thanks for the detailed response. Full of ... well ... baloney! You know very well how much expenses a "typical" Arab man has to incur these days to get married. If you don't know, excuse me you're not being the least bit objective. Families share? Since when!? Only on extremely rare occasions does this happen. If you also don't know about this, ASK a million people will tell you. Everything is done in good fate from the man's side things women of the west (sorry for comparing) would only dream of asking the guy for Being a woman gives you absolutely no privilege over anything, just as you would know nothing more than a gynecologist (regardless of his/her gender) about feminine matters. No disrespect (AT ALL) meant and totally used as an example. Now, an Indian to me is no less than An Arab, And American or anything and I don't look down upon people of any race, nor do I do that when considering women. So please, don't put words in my mouth, your misunderstanding doesn't mean me being condescending but rather means that you misunderstood something and took it for the negative. When considering what the man gives out, it's not a financial matter, and excuse me, but YOU took in that direction. I'm saying he didn't even know if she's even a proper match when he has already done all of that, better yet, he still need to pay her extra if they discover that they're not fit for each other. Correct me if I'm wrong but you really can't have the best of both worlds, you either be a western woman and SHARE everything with the man and therefore have the right to half of everything. or you share nothing and just receive and at the end you still receive what was agreed upon. You can't have both I don't see anything wrong with men sharing responsibilities, helping around the house..etc ..etc, UNLESS he's the SOLE bread winner of the house, and this is what mean by people over valuing what they've done, If he has to work outside of the house for her to be a stay home housewife, then SHARING actually means that he did his part outside. Now, if they had kids and she really needed help, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with him lending a hand and often times, and I'm talking 90% of the people I know who had kids, the husband would take part and help his wife. Thank you for considering me a "typical" Arab man, I'm working (HARD) on getting better. And Insha2allah I will make this earth heaven for a single person who deserves it. And I'll have her mail you how atypical I really am! But it's so easy for you to misunderstand and pass judgement Looks like I struck a chord here. Nice, thanks for the detailed response. Full of … well … baloney!
You know very well how much expenses a “typical” Arab man has to incur these days to get married. If you don’t know, excuse me you’re not being the least bit objective.
Families share? Since when!? Only on extremely rare occasions does this happen. If you also don’t know about this, ASK a million people will tell you.

Everything is done in good fate from the man’s side things women of the west (sorry for comparing) would only dream of asking the guy for

Being a woman gives you absolutely no privilege over anything, just as you would know nothing more than a gynecologist (regardless of his/her gender) about feminine matters. No disrespect (AT ALL) meant and totally used as an example.

Now, an Indian to me is no less than An Arab, And American or anything and I don’t look down upon people of any race, nor do I do that when considering women. So please, don’t put words in my mouth, your misunderstanding doesn’t mean me being condescending but rather means that you misunderstood something and took it for the negative.

When considering what the man gives out, it’s not a financial matter, and excuse me, but YOU took in that direction. I’m saying he didn’t even know if she’s even a proper match when he has already done all of that, better yet, he still need to pay her extra if they discover that they’re not fit for each other.

Correct me if I’m wrong but you really can’t have the best of both worlds, you either be a western woman and SHARE everything with the man and therefore have the right to half of everything. or you share nothing and just receive and at the end you still receive what was agreed upon. You can’t have both

I don’t see anything wrong with men sharing responsibilities, helping around the house..etc ..etc, UNLESS he’s the SOLE bread winner of the house, and this is what mean by people over valuing what they’ve done, If he has to work outside of the house for her to be a stay home housewife, then SHARING actually means that he did his part outside.
Now, if they had kids and she really needed help, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with him lending a hand and often times, and I’m talking 90% of the people I know who had kids, the husband would take part and help his wife.

Thank you for considering me a “typical” Arab man, I’m working (HARD) on getting better. And Insha2allah I will make this earth heaven for a single person who deserves it. And I’ll have her mail you how atypical I really am! But it’s so easy for you to misunderstand and pass judgement

]]> By: Shaden http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-964 Shaden Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:13:18 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-964 Iman, I wouldn't say that about men (the dogs analogy) because God knows what does that make us. MQabbani, well and love too John, lol I'd rather ask my friends and be grateful that I'm single :P Iman, I wouldn’t say that about men (the dogs analogy) because God knows what does that make us.

MQabbani, well and love too

John, lol I’d rather ask my friends and be grateful that I’m single :P

]]> By: Shaden http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-963 Shaden Thu, 21 Dec 2006 20:49:27 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-963 Qwaider: <blockquote>Yes Shaden, prefer it to heaven. A good man, is just like a good woman, a rare thing to find.</blockquote> So you agree with me that good men are rare commodity, and rare is not typical. Hence, the typical is the opposite of a good man. And that's exactly what I was saying ;) <blockquote>Many consider themselves to be this AMAZING person when they’re nothing, and have done absolutely nothing to deserve it.</blockquote> What does this have to do with anything? <blockquote>It’s enough that the “typical” Arab man gives out EVERYTHING, maher, Shabkeh, house, furniture, wedding party … gives it all, and he has not even had anything to do with the woman.</blockquote> Thats not true. First, the groom does not give all of that, most of families share the expenses. Second, none of the "EVERYTHING" is important to me for example. So at the end of the day, I'm left with that typical man. And maybe you need to be reminded that money is not everything? It's interesting to hear that from you, a typical Arab guy living in the U.S (no offense). <blockquote>Do you think any “typical” other guy would do this? In India, Men get the dowry, and in the west, other than the diamond ring, she gets absolutely nothing.</blockquote> Comparing Arab men to other men will not make them any better! It's like saying Nancy Ajram is conservative just because others are even worse. Sorry for the silly example. The ring, your money and everything you give are really more like gifts, if you can afford it why not? I'm sorry but if a guy who's doing well financially, complains about how much money he paid (or is going to pay)then there's something wrong with him. He's either cheap, or is so full of himself, selfish, spoiled or all of that. I bet you expect your future wife to give her life in exchange of what you give don't you? <blockquote>I think if you look objectively you will find that the Arab Woman is so respected and so much stuff are thrown at her feet, including but not limited to “dear life”. So I don’t think I exaggerate when I say that some will prefer it to heaven.</blockquote> Nothing is thrown at our feet, I think as a woman I know better about this than you do. Arab women, in general, are respected nobody can deny it. It's not respect that is the issue, it's the mentality of dominance, control, and superiority. And sadly, your reply proves me right. Instead of talking about helping your wife around the house, empowering her and treating her as your friend and partner you talk about how much you paid to get her and how grateful she should be to have someone like you, because you think she could do worse by marrying an Indian :-D Qwaider:

Yes Shaden, prefer it to heaven. A good man, is just like a good woman, a rare thing to find.

So you agree with me that good men are rare commodity, and rare is not typical. Hence, the typical is the opposite of a good man. And that’s exactly what I was saying ;)

Many consider themselves to be this AMAZING person when they’re nothing, and have done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

What does this have to do with anything?

It’s enough that the “typical” Arab man gives out EVERYTHING, maher, Shabkeh, house, furniture, wedding party … gives it all, and he has not even had anything to do with the woman.

Thats not true. First, the groom does not give all of that, most of families share the expenses. Second, none of the “EVERYTHING” is important to me for example. So at the end of the day, I’m left with that typical man. And maybe you need to be reminded that money is not everything? It’s interesting to hear that from you, a typical Arab guy living in the U.S (no offense).

Do you think any “typical” other guy would do this? In India, Men get the dowry, and in the west, other than the diamond ring, she gets absolutely nothing.

Comparing Arab men to other men will not make them any better! It’s like saying Nancy Ajram is conservative just because others are even worse. Sorry for the silly example.
The ring, your money and everything you give are really more like gifts, if you can afford it why not? I’m sorry but if a guy who’s doing well financially, complains about how much money he paid (or is going to pay)then there’s something wrong with him. He’s either cheap, or is so full of himself, selfish, spoiled or all of that. I bet you expect your future wife to give her life in exchange of what you give don’t you?

I think if you look objectively you will find that the Arab Woman is so respected and so much stuff are thrown at her feet, including but not limited to “dear life”.
So I don’t think I exaggerate when I say that some will prefer it to heaven.

Nothing is thrown at our feet, I think as a woman I know better about this than you do. Arab women, in general, are respected nobody can deny it. It’s not respect that is the issue, it’s the mentality of dominance, control, and superiority. And sadly, your reply proves me right. Instead of talking about helping your wife around the house, empowering her and treating her as your friend and partner you talk about how much you paid to get her and how grateful she should be to have someone like you, because you think she could do worse by marrying an Indian :-D

]]> By: john http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-962 john Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:46:58 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-962 > What’s it like to be married? Boring? ... Shaden, we could always get married and find out? :P > What’s it like to be married?

Boring?

…

Shaden, we could always get married and find out? :P

]]> By: Qwaider قويدر http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-961 Qwaider قويدر Thu, 21 Dec 2006 13:43:39 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-961 Yes Shaden, prefer it to heaven. A good man, is just like a good woman, a rare thing to find. Many consider themselves to be this AMAZING person when they're nothing, and have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. It's enough that the "typical" Arab man gives out EVERYTHING, maher, Shabkeh, house, furniture, wedding party ... gives it all, and he has not even had anything to do with the woman. Do you think any "typical" other guy would do this? In India, Men get the dowry, and in the west, other than the diamond ring, she gets absolutely nothing. I think if you look objectively you will find that the Arab Woman is so respected and so much stuff are thrown at her feet, including but not limited to "dear life". So I don't think I exaggerate when I say that some will prefer it to heaven Yes Shaden, prefer it to heaven. A good man, is just like a good woman, a rare thing to find.
Many consider themselves to be this AMAZING person when they’re nothing, and have done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
It’s enough that the “typical” Arab man gives out EVERYTHING, maher, Shabkeh, house, furniture, wedding party … gives it all, and he has not even had anything to do with the woman.
Do you think any “typical” other guy would do this? In India, Men get the dowry, and in the west, other than the diamond ring, she gets absolutely nothing.
I think if you look objectively you will find that the Arab Woman is so respected and so much stuff are thrown at her feet, including but not limited to “dear life”.
So I don’t think I exaggerate when I say that some will prefer it to heaven

]]> By: MQabbani http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-960 MQabbani Thu, 21 Dec 2006 13:15:12 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-960 hmm , well the core in responsibility and commetment ... : ) share things and baby too : P hmm , well the core in responsibility and commetment …
: )
share things and baby too : P

]]> By: Iman http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-959 Iman Thu, 21 Dec 2006 05:39:27 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-959 typical man? Well this is spoken by a man - my boss: All men are dogs...some of whom are good dogs...but are still dogs nonetheless... so i guess this goes for all men through out the world :D ...It may be true...but I may not wholeheartedly agree with it... N.E. way...this question is best answered by married women...and men for it'll be interesting to get the man's perspective as well... According to my friends and family members who are married,(and they include both men and women) marriage is a beautiful mixture of everything ...it's a discovery...a steep hike, enjoyable but requires hard work...each day is unique...one of the most beautiful part about marriage is that it's a team effort...each having to give their best to make it work... typical man?

Well this is spoken by a man - my boss:

All men are dogs…some of whom are good dogs…but are still dogs nonetheless… so i guess this goes for all men through out the world :D …It may be true…but I may not wholeheartedly agree with it…

N.E. way…this question is best answered by married women…and men for it’ll be interesting to get the man’s perspective as well…

According to my friends and family members who are married,(and they include both men and women) marriage is a beautiful mixture of everything …it’s a discovery…a steep hike, enjoyable but requires hard work…each day is unique…one of the most beautiful part about marriage is that it’s a team effort…each having to give their best to make it work…

]]> By: Shaden http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-958 Shaden Thu, 21 Dec 2006 01:16:58 +0000 http://thesugarcubes.net/2006/12/21/whats-it-like-to-be-married/#comment-958 Moey, true Qwaider, lol what the hell, prefer it to heaven marra wa7de? why? how? on what basis? this question is best answered by a woman, sort of like not allowing your wife to witness for you. Hamzeh, LOl that sounded kinky to me! Moey, true

Qwaider, lol what the hell, prefer it to heaven marra wa7de? why? how? on what basis? this question is best answered by a woman, sort of like not allowing your wife to witness for you.

Hamzeh, LOl that sounded kinky to me!

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