I don’t know where to start so I’ll just ramble and leave it to you to group my thoughts and make sense out of them.
Jordan has a problem and I know that I’m not inventing rockets here but hear me out for I’m one frustrated girl who needs you to listen, and by you I mean every single person living in Jordan.
My idea of hanging out is going out, plain and simple. I’m not the sit-at-home-combing- each-other’s-hair kind of girls, who seem to be the typical overwhelming majority over here, no offence of course but that’s how it is, they get together every single day and talk, experiment with makeup, gossip some more, dye their hair, cook something maybe I don’t know. That’s not me and I can not do that, and will never be that. Some like to do that and some were manipulated since their childhood to think that this is what they can do, always be inside somebody’s house. I can not do that and I hate that! And this is probably one of the main reasons why it was and still hard for me to get a long with other girls.
I love going out especially new places and doing things but it seems like a problem when I find it tooooo awkward to walk alone or be alone anywhere in this city. People stare, they stare so hard and so annoyingly no matter what and I’m the self-conscious type of people who hates to be stared at. The streets are dominated by men, and passing by them in itself is annoying. Why can’t people in this country mind their own business? Why do they have so much free time on their hands that they sit on the stairs, the curbs, the walls…you name it. No I don’t want to lock them away, I just want them to mind their own business, it is disturbing to me that guys lobby anywhere and everywhere they can just to watch girls passing by. And just to be fair, I’m talking about the JU street and the surrounding area.
And what can a single girl do in this country? I don’t know I’m still trying to figure it out. I can not go to coffee shops without being judged, I can’t go out after 8 pm even with friends because apparently all my friends are good girls and good girls in Jordan can not stay out after 8. I used to go out and stay till 11 pm back in the UAE and even though my parents are the typical conservative Arab parents they would know I was safe and that it was ok and I’m guessing it’s because they know people don’t talk in the UAE, don’t judge and they mind their own business plus, it was perfectly normal; families stay out till late too. As long as I wasn’t clubbing, it was normal, and it should be like that everywhere. I don’t know what scares girls and families here but I’m trying to understand.
So if I’m alone, it’s not 8 pm yet, where can I go and what am I allowed to do? Only watching a movie? Well I’m sorry but I finish work around 7 pm, I want to be able to rest and refresh before I go to the movies, also I want to be able to do other things too!
Maybe I care too much about people around me and what they think, maybe I’m just not gutsy enough but it shouldn’t feel like a challenge to dine out let alone if I wanted to do that at 9 for example, it feels awkward to be the only girl. It shouldn’t make me feel like I’m naked on a typical day when I’m just walking in the street. Can’t we learn to be more sophisticated and just mind our own business? And can’t girls start going out more, alone every now and then like independent people ? I see that they have no problem at all smoking, let me tell you that it’s not hip at all, in fact you look funny. And it’s not cool to have boyfriends just so that you can go places.
Expect a second part on guys and girls socializing in Jordan.
Oh sweetie, it IS tough here. I leave the house in the car alone in the evening, and all the neighbors stare… some even ask where I was going without hubby with a frown! It seems any unaccompanied female is considered a ‘bad girl’.
lol, hanging out at home brushing hair? Never heard that one
well, the stare part… it happens to everyone, so don’t feel weird about it, but after 8pm I think its best for a girl to bring with her a chaperon or someone with muscles with a message on his forehead:”stare and die”, that works wonders….
Amman is improving, the nightlife now is at its best, and their are alot of places where u and ur buddies can hangout and enjoy ur nights.
the “bad girl label”… why should u care??? I’m labeled a “bad guy”, see if i care!!!!
thx for the share…peace
hey ,
1- Who doesnt go out after 8 ? I remember girls in Irbid and not Amman going out till 9 9:30
2- a little peace of advice for the ppl thingy …
DON’T GIVE A FLYING BLUE FCUK !
get urself together ,,, at least ur allowed into all the nice places when a guy has to be hand in hand with a gal to get to the nice places !!!!
3- Jordanians who hang around in the streets 24/7 … go home … Pleeeeeease !
Perhaps the guys are staring at you because you are a good looking woman. That doesn’t make it right (or comfortable), of course, but it’s probably the reason.
I know what ya mean! i hate it 2 ! why ppl wont mind their own business ! :S I finish work at 8 pm but wont leave before 9! so what fun i should expect :/ and if i did who will join me! being single in Amman sucks and it would be worse when you are a girl!
Shaden, I go out alone all the time and I don’t feel judged. You only feel judged when you let other people make you think so, and if they do, who cares? let them judge, you are what you are not what they think of you.
Another thing, I like to hang “in” a lot, it’s not that you’ll stay at home combing each other’s hair or messing with make up… I mena hanging out is cool, but you can do it with anybody, hanging in is what you can do with true friends… I think it’s about striking a balance between the two, hanging in all the time can depress you and hanging out all the time makes it tasteless
Ola, you’re absolutely right … I’m more of a home-body … I like hanging out at home or my friends’ place over a nice movie and/or a nice conversation with lots of food and snacks; playing house or dress up is never part of the evening
But I also like to go out as well; variety is always interesting!
Shaden, guys will check out anyone and anything; you should learn to just ignore people and not let what people may think of you effect you…for the most part time and location are important when choosing to go out! going out and about after a certain hour is something I will not recommend for a girl to do alone…for safety reasons…
We all need a break, but life is a lot more than just hanging out!
P.S what does smoking have to do with it?
Hey,
I totally agree with you about what you said. I live in Canada but I always go back home and see how things are. This article reminded me of my Muhajaba sister, she has the same problem as well.
anyhow, I simply think the solution would be to totally ignore them and not even consider them there. They’re not worth talking about anyway as long as they’re not crossing the line, at the same time the girl can’t wear nice perfume and hot slutty clothes and expect the guys to not look, because in that case there’s not one guy that wouldn’t look including me :$….. But seriously, this problem is everywhere, maybe a bit more in Jordan, but it happens here in Canada as well! and everywhere in the world. btw, there’s something that I would love to do if i was in Jordan, and I recommend everyone that lives there to do, wake up before sunrise, and just go to the street and walk for an hour or so, That’s indeed something i would want to do the next time I am visiting Jordan.. Lovely weather with no car horns ;).. nice post, keep it up
Hey Shaden,
I can understand your problem, but I think you have to find better location than JU street and surrounding. Not that I know that area very much, but because I know that many other areas around Amman are cool.
Staring at a nice looking girl is normal… don’t tell me they don’t in DXB, but the difference is in culture between the two cities.
DXB is a mix of cultures, in fact I can claim that they don’t have a culture to follow, no one cares because no one has time to think of that. But that’s the issue.
On the other hand, Amman and Jordan in general is a conservative Arab-Muslim country, so one can claim that majority are conservative, which results in all the problem that you describe like your frustration for something, and other side (e.g. boys staring) frustration for something else!! Now, is that correct or not, I personally don’t think it is right, but I can’t blame them because that is the result of the conservative system (best, or should I say worst example is in Saudi Arabia) they live in.
The good news is that this culture is not everywhere around Jordan and Amman in particular. I lived very liberal life, so did all my gang of guys and gals, and we never felt that someone is watching us. Again, the issue is in where and with who we go out, not when!!!
Last but not least, if I got you right, I don’t know what is the problem with “clubbing”
my comment is a mix of all thats been said above except i highly disagree that going out after a certain time involves a security risk. jordan is the only country i know where a women can walk alone after a certain time without being harmed or the fear of being harmed. ive seen it myself. so its really a matter of women who tend to scare themselves and scare each other more than what’s necessary.
moreover, conservatism is different. the overwhelming majority are not really conservative in the: well kick your ass for defying our customs, sort of way. it’s more like they’re used to seeing one thing and now they’re seeing something very different. i remember a time when a tourist walking in the balad would practically be followed by a crowd of people. now they walk unnoticed.
and a covered girl such as yourself would find it even easier to blend in compared to the girls who (how to put this?) put themselves ‘out there’.
Kinzi, guess I just need to get used to it.
Amjad, Isam, Yazan thank you guys I think what I can do is to grow a thick skin. It’s just different than what I was used to in the UAE where nobody cares what the rest of the population are doing, no matter what nobody will stare the way Jordanians stare!
Dave, here’s the funny thing, it’s not only guys who stare in this country lol
Ola, does that mean me and you are not true friends? because we don’t hang “in”. Balancing between the two is a personal choice I believe. You can do anything with a true friend.
I don’t go out everyday, but I also can’t spend an entire week without going out and not be depressed. All of this is not related to what I’ve talked about in my post, I’m not comparing hanging in to hanging out.
Iman, I bet those are your childhood friends
When did I say that life is all about hanging out?
About smoking, I was half joking but I’ll dedicate a post for this subject soon.
Haitham, I have a personal problem with clubbing
Yea I know it’s not like that everywhere in Jordan, that’s why I mentioned where I live. And you’re right about the cultural difference between the UAE and Jordan.
Nas, I don’t think unveiled girls have blending problems. They’re definitely not a minority, and a trendy girl without a veil is not a rare sight in Amman. Needless to say, Abdoun has some of the most provocatively-dressed girls I’ve ever seen, also needless to say they’re never alone.
Shaden, that’s not what I meant
Nas, Maybe that was the case 10 years ago, I mean women could go out anytime without the fear of being harmed. but now, I don’t think so, not because I like to scare myself, but because it happened to me, and I don’t mean sexual harrassment by that, I mean I was actually assaulted in a place considered “safe”, thank God I was kind of mentally prepared to face it so the only harm was 3 years of xenophobia!
Welcome to Jordan 2007
ola, im not ruling it out and saying it’s completely safe and void from all human interaction. everything is relative.
and it also depends on the area.